Going Slow...

...Having only ever had one boyfriend who also happened to be my high school sweetheart it’s become very clear to that I have no idea what it means to ‘take it slow’ when dating. Now, now before you judge me and think I give it up on the first date, I aint saying that. In fact I’m not even talking about the dating rules re: when we women like to keep the opposite sex waiting for that cookie until the 2nd of 3rd date. I’m not even sure if those tricks work, what I am talking about is when you’ve gone past that and its very clear that you like each and decide to get to know each other better.

That awful tricky stage where you’re not a couple but you do couple things, you decide you’re exclusive, however not committed. You may or may not be having sex at this point however it’s clear there is chemistry so you both try to keep your cool.

So there I was, dating this fine handsome creature of the opposite sex, which made me consider myself to be a very lucky girl. Still in shock that he even looked at me I was still very much there, talking to it every morning, day and night, chilling with it and having quite frankly the greatest escape of my life. I had to keep my cool despite my desire to just scream and shout at the top of my voice for all to hear ‘marry me and lets have lots of babies, or at least engage in the act of making them… if you get my drift ;-)’
Okay lets putt down the cup of crazy because we know I'm not crazy like that, besides that was the least of my problems. My problem started when we went from never spending time together, to seeing it everyday and worse it was showing real interest and wanted to see me everyday. In the short space of 5 months I had some of my personal belongings residing at its boudoir, yet we were still ‘getting to know each other’ and taking things slow. Many times I would think to myself…"self, this is going too fast, slow it down or it will crush & burn” but this creature was sooo damn fine I would crumble whenever it asked to spend time with me. I mean it wanted me, nay, it needed me! How could I be so cruel not to fulfil its command. I would literally forget all that jibba jabba about ‘I wanted to take things slower’, mistook it wanting sex for it wanting to commit to me when clearly this was not on its stupid little mind lol (a little bitterness there)

See there is a theory, not sure who actually researched this, however the theory has all females convinced that these creatures of the opposite sex are cowards. And so when things become too real too quick for them, then they WILL abandon ship and bail leaving you to either sink or swim. Maybe it’s why as females we feel the need to put some brakes on relationships in order to keep these creatures satisfied and in our arms for as long as possible...who knows, I'm just venting!! Now the problem with us females is we like being needed and wanted by these creatures. We in fact find it very attractive that they want us and take this as a sign of commitment (heck I know I’ve been there) to a point were they have some kind of hold over us and we are left confused.
So my question... is there really any benefit for these games that females have been playing for years i.e taking things slow or are we just prolonging the inevitable result of what can’t be changed. The old saying goes, what is meant to be will be, right!? Which means no matter how fast or slow things go when you engage in some communication with these creatures if its for you, then it will be yours and maybe it may even fall in-love with you for who you are?? But this would mean that all the ‘3 date rule’ games etc are just a waste of time?

I’m sorry to disappoint all those who agree with the above, because psychologist have actually proven that relationships that move too fast are more likely to lead to disappointment as the relationship falls apart before it’s had time take shape. And for those that seem to last, the relationship suffers in terms of quality.

So ladies and gents…my advice, take things slow, you can hang out everyday enjoy the love vibes - this will help you see each other in different situations, i.e happy, angry, beliefs, ambitions etc. However make sure you get to know each other, don’t share too much too soon, exclusivity talk is permitted, take your time to introduce friends and family, check back consistently on how you both TRULY feel, look at facts and where things truly are. Remember this is a brand new creature in your life which means it will take time to nurture it and let it grow!!!

Swanliness…

…This is a story of how recently, everywhere I go I keep seeing swans.  Every time I take a long walk along the water there it is, this big beautiful white, elegant swan.

I’m walking down the waterfront, my view…a beautiful pool of water, the sun reflecting on it, its dark deep green colours, bouncing back rays of sunshine and the swan just glides right through…effortlessly. Its feet are going full throttle underneath the water, yet the swan manages to maintain its calmness and elegance. Making it appear, flawless.

Bristol Swan

So I started to think what this could mean and what or how could the swans way of life, or even culture if you like, teach me about my life. What could I learn from the Swan and how could I apply it to my life. I’ve always though of a swan as beautiful but never really thought of it’s uses here on earth, how could I over look such a beautiful creature.

After thinking about this, decided this is how I would like to lead in my life. I want my inner swanliness is the way and outlook of leadership skills.  Everything that I do is amplified which means that all that I do my fears, struggles and so if I’m out of control then people will assume that things are really bad. The stress that is growing through the people I’m leading is getting more and more. So the culture I would like as a leader is to glide through situation even though beneath the surface I am working my little feet to the limit, I still remain calm and elegant. So as to present myself in the best possible way.

"The swan, like the soul of the poet, By the dull world is ill understood."

Fashion Is Made To become Unfashionable...

...Fashion Follower, Style Chaser!

"Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman." 

Soooo, I woke up this morning and had this theory on fashion. Don't follow fashion because over time it will change, instead strive to find your sense of style for this will define who you are and where you are in your journey.

"Scheherezade is easy; a little black dress is difficult."

B&W Kisses
"I imposed black; is still going strong today, for black wipes out everything else around."

After this thought I decided to go back to some of my OOTD and OOTN from the past and these are only a select few I found. I wanted to blog just say [if not to remind myself but mostly share] that, You are unique just the way you are and your sense of style is were you can liberally and comfortably express yourself. I love dressing up and discovering new styles about myself, yes sometimes I look back and think what the hell was I thinking wearing that lol but here's the deal...Fear not what the fashion gurus are saying because this will only change, perhaps even you will change but, your style will remain a platform of expressing where you stand. 

You may have noticed all the quotes from one of fav designers Coco Chanel, whom I adore among other designers of course. I chose her quotes for this blog because I feel she is so where I am right now.... I'll sign off with this Love yourself first always and remember someone out there loves you lots too :)

"FASHION FADES ONLY STYLE REMAINS THE SAME" - Coco Chanel

Visualise...

When i started the gym i didnt have much of a goal, just that i felt really fat and sluggish. I hate my belly and couldnt look at myself in the mirror for to long without critsizing my body.

It was at that point i knew something had to change, and i signed up to the gym. Little did i know that a year latter this would transform my life and add so much more clarity and peace that exceeds what the eye can see. The gym membership has added so much more to my life than just the physical appearance.

It's been a major journey and one i will continue with passion, humbleness and gratitude. I dont know much but all i know is that if you put your mind to anything and you are willling to work a little for it then you can achieve it. I only asked to not be fat anymore and i have got so much more. i discovered a love for yoga, passion to connect with people, power of the mind, controlling the controllable and a way of handling stress. How awesome is that?!  I never ever thought of myself as a fit person but you know what, now i think of myself as more than that. Because your thoughts become your actions and your actions become your reality.

Life is not bad at all, it is infact very good and God has surely been good to me. He blessed me with this life, created me to be more than a conqueror.

LET THE JOURNEY CONITNUE!!!!!

Buyers Remorse....

...Confessions of a Shopaholic!

“Hi my name is Jae and I am a shopaholic.” This is a sentence that should become part of my life as I am a true self confessed shopaholic who refuses to get help or God forbid even attempt to find a cure. Actually that would be an unfair statement as I remember the great depression of 2010 when I was unstoppable and tried everything in my power to kick this disease but what can I say, it is what it is and I am what I am…a shopaholic.

I recently purchased a new vehicle, and joined the Audi family - made me feel all German and eeeeevil... okay maybe not the evil part but no doubt I was excited about my new purchase and I dreamed of all the places I could go with this new purchase of mine. Unlucky for me these new found feelings of excitement did not last very long. Once the keys were handed to me and the car was mine by law…oh yup ‘no turning back now’, a little voices said in a little German voice. I tried to silence the voice with happy thoughts that had once resided in my happy place before the German invasion but I was ambushed. Did I mention that this was an impulse purchase?! oh yes I was ambushed. I had thought a little about the purchase but had seen an opportunity that I could not miss. I mean I had been thinking about a new baby anyway, you know for the winter, but had not expected it this soon (I think this is what it feels like to have a premature baby) so rushed and all of a sudden.

A day after my purchase I took my baby for a spin and I treated myself to my favourite chicken place Nando’s. I went with a friend and when we left the car I decided to leave my handbag in the car and go with my purse instead. The food was amazing as usual but we were not quite ready to leave so we went for a late coffee and got chatting. When we realised the time we decided to go back to my baby and I offered to take my mate on a spin, share the love, you know any excuse to drive my baby. When I got to the car my handbag was missing and it became clear to me that I had made a schoolgirl error of not locking my car. My new baby had been broken into and they had taken my handbag. I was in complete disbelief and my poor friend tried to comfort me as I was coming to terms that someone had gone into my car without my permission. ‘At least they didn’t steal the car’ my friend would say, ‘this doesn’t make sense’ he proceeded. Of course I was grateful for all the former but was still too shocked to know what that truly meant. It was after midnight and nothing we could really do about it and so I still offered to drive my friend home. I had no way of getting into my place as all my keys were in the bag so I panicked. Lucky for me I have the best housemates who were willing to wait up for me and let me in the house, even offer me a pillow as I would have to take the couch for a bed that night until I could get a spare set of keys. Oh did I mention the landlady was away on holiday and so I would have to break in to my room the next day, such fun!! Again blessed to have my housemates who picked my lock and I was able to get into my bedroom.

As the new day came I lay on my bed just thinking of my new purchase and the week I had, first saying goodbye to a friend who left the country indefinitely, driving the long distance and then having my bag stolen. Not to mention the family drama, ongoing finance issues and other fun life adventures I'd rather not mention. I lay there thinking of it all and the dominating thought was my new purchase. The feelings I had now after I bought this purchase emotionally:

I was in despair

I resented it

I felt disappointed with myself

I felt scared

I felt hollow

I felt angry

I felt uneasy

I felt I'd let myself down

I felt annoyed

I felt frustrated

I was in pain

I felt depressed

I felt furious with myself

I felt sick

I was in agony

I sat there and wondered:

if I really need this purchase

whether I should have bought anything at all

if I had made the right choice

if I had done the right thing in buying this product

if I'd been fooled

whether there was something wrong with the deal I got

The next couple of days I spiralled myself into depression, I wanted to only be with self. On one day I spent all day in bed and watched movies with the excuse that I needed to ‘rest’. I had gone out for a walk with a friend who I knew I would not have to explain my behaviour to I could pretend I was fine and only needed rest. When I got back home I had felt worse like a traitor to my true feelings that I tried to bury deep down. Next day I had to pull myself together as I had to go to work.

Buyers Remorse

This was me...

After another day of unexplainable sad feelings I went to see a friend who indeed made me feel better but the unexplainable feelings of depression were still speaking to me in little annoying German voices. I remembered a term I heard of at work, ‘buyers remorse’ this was the term the Sales team threw about after they landed a deal in aid to reduce cancellations from customers. As a shopaholic I knew what it felt like to impulse buy and feel some type of way about the purchase. Buyers remorse is the feeling of disappointment you feel after you buy something and you think you have made a mistake. Ah ha! It all started to make sense to me, this is what was going on with my little German voices. I made a decision to stop it all and started by telling the voices that I had made the right decision and listed the pro’s not cons, took steps to make sure that I had all my bills paid relating to the purchase. You know what, I posirively feel so much better. The voices left are the happy kind and I am enjoying my new purchase.

I still don’t know for sure that this was the right purchase at this time in my life or what will happen to me in the future. But “sometimes you don't need a goal in life, you don't need to know the big picture, you just need to know what you're going to do next!” and my next step right now is naming my new baby…how does Céleste sound? It means heavenly or divine. :)

Fickleness!!

Today (4/9/14) as I stood at Heathrow Airport Terminal 4 to say good bye to someone who I grew close to in a what seemed to be a short time.

I began to reminisce on all that we had been through and the reasons for our encounter. How did we even meet, why was this the time to say good bye, would I be next and if so would anyone be here with me to say goodbye to me…carrying the same feelings I have for my friend in this exact moment?? Questions, questions some of which actually had nothing to do with why I was there…as I watched a young couple bid each other farewell, eyes filled with broken tears as they clung to each other sobbing no one willing to let go, but the reality is they had to. I began to wonder what they meant to each other before now, before this moment when they realised that they would not be seeing each other for who knows how long. My heart sunk for them of course as I wondered if this was a short goodbye or what seemed to be a more permanent goodbye as I would have to do with my friend.

Suddenly I was brought back to my thoughts you know the current situation. I would have to say good bye to this beautiful person, who was clearly stressed out as he tried to check in what was most of his last 5years. I watched him as he handled it all so well with what seemed to be composure, maturity and a sense of peace (I'm sure that’s not what he felt). It was heartbreaking and yet strikingly attractive to watch. I thought of how I would say my farewell, one thing I knew is that I was not going to cry (I'm just not that chic lol) all I knew was that I knew not how I would feel when the time came to actually say BYE!!!

I began to think of his family who would no doubt be happy to have him back and, how they would feel when they saw him. I thought and wondered again back to who would be there for me when I move on to the next chapter wherever that may be. They say people are fickle little creatures and I believe that to be true. He kept thanking me, my friend that is, thanking me for what being there  and to me it didn’t seem like I was doing anything worth thanking for or even worth mentioning yet I knew deep down that had he not said those two words ‘Thank You’ I probably would have felt some type of way…people are fickle beings right!!! So, then, why was I here at this time, in this moment, I mean I could have been anywhere else in the world, heck he could have asked many of his other friends to help him and yet here we were. A friend of mine had just text me to say ‘‘you know he would have probably done the same for you…’’ and then rushed in the thought what would happen if he wasn’t there for? How would I feel? Would I hate him and cut him off my life because that’s what people do right?! We place our loyalties in people and then when they don’t reciprocate we through them out like they never meant a damn thang…its called protecting yourself and being ‘smart’! But at that moment I knew in my heart that I was not doing this in some great expectation for him to do the same for me but that he would do the same for someone at the very least. Which means the saying ‘people are fickle creatures’ for many of us has been taken the wrong way, its been interpreted through broken and bitter hearts, causing distrust and all other un-forgiveness issues. How about if we looked at it this way…yes people are indeed fickle, we are truly are and that’s the truth but not at our own fault. It’s just what we do perhaps what we’ve adapted in order to protect ourselves in some sick psychological hypothesis. 

But lets look at it in this perspective, when you help or trust someone or when you are there for someone as I was for my friend on his final chapter to start a new on of this book of life. Did I really expect him to be there for me in my final chapter some day? Well yes it would be nice but the reality is… he will move on meet new people who would need him as would I. Which means he might not be there for me the way I would have hoped and does that make him fickle, absolutely not. All I know is that someone will be there for me in my time of need, because God will always send you someone…He will ALWAYS send you someone. Just as he sent me to my friend, my friend will be sent to another friend, who will be sent to a new friend and so goes the ripple effect that is LOVE and not fickleness.

TRUST in that higher power whatever it is for you and change your outlook to a positive one no matter how radical it may seem. Don’t conform but instead start a new positive trend. You are who you are for a reason. You go through what you go through for a reason…. Someone out there is trying to reach out to you, don’t be so blinded by negativity and past experiences that you end up missing them.

"People Are People and Sometimes We Change Our Minds…" We Are Fickle beings.